As is the case with almost everyone in my generation, and in the generation following mine (if you consider Gen X and Gen Y to be two separate entities), I have a favorite quote from The Simpsons. Mine's not a quote, exactly, but a passage. A wise and important passage that speaks to the truths of the universe in a way that only a yellow dude with a serious overbite can.
It's in the Lisa-Goes-Vegetarian episode. Lisa is trying to explain that she's not going to eat meat to Homer. Homer asks, in essence, "You're going to go without bacon?! without pork chops?! without ham?!" To which Lisa replies, "Daa-ad, those all come from the same animal!" Homer stares at her incredulously, throws his hands into the air and says, "Yeah, right, Lisa. Some Maaagical Animal."
Mmmmmm, pork. Much has been written about pork's magical qualities. Bacon is almost universally the most tempting meat to vegetarians, "the gateway meat," as it is now commonly known. Pulled pork shoulder, along with pork ribs (not babyback, please) are some of the most discussed pieces of meat in the world. The subject of intense slow-cooking bar-b-que battles across the South, and the prime battleground of longstanding rivalries.
Pork is also frankly creepy. Pig skin is highly akin to human flesh, and a pigs jaw and bone structure are close enough to human that, in what *must* be a very scientific decision, they use a pig jaw whenever they do an experiment that would involve human teeth on Mythbusters. Pigs also have a reputation for intelligence, more than dogs, supposedly. Oh, and pigs sweat, like we do. Given all this, and the fact that pigs are omnivores, one has to wonder if eating pigs isn't just a little bit like being a cannibal. Could it be that we also taste that good? If so, I don't wanna know.
I'm going to shake off that last thought (brrrr!) and declare, you lucky person, that Now Is The Time For Pork! There are three reasons for this happy thought:
1) Pigs are omnivores, and they eat things we refuse to. (There's a very successful pig farm near the Las Vegas strip that feeds its pigs only hotel leftovers) Pigs need much less acreage than cows. They are a wonderful way to process human wastes into useful, nutritious, tasty tasty meat.
2) Figs
It's fig time, and figs love pork. Pork loves figs. Figs are a deep, complex fruit that bring out the natural sweetness in pork without competing with or masking its rich, meaty qualities. But figs have flaws. They kinda look like nut-sacks, for one, and they can be a little much, on their own. A little too mushy, a little too monochromaticly flavored, and too large for one bite. Pork solves all these problems. The salt and chew of pork distracts your mouth from the mush of the fig, and brings out the nuance in their flavor. Add a little red wine or some nuts (not that kind) and you're golden.
So, without further ado, I present Pork and Figs, a marriage made in heaven. Or in the mind of Homer Simpson, you choose.
Bacon Wrapped Figs with Walnuts or Pecans.
This is one of the easiest fancy-ass party appetizers you can make. If you are having cocktails, and you want to impress a certain appetizing guest, offer him/her one of these fig-bites and you'll, at the very least, get a quick preview of their o-face.
Start with a pint or two of figs, depending on your number of guests. Cut all of the figs in half, if they are small, or in quarters if they are large. Then open a package of bacon. Cut about a dozen slices in half, crosswise, so you have two shorter lengths. Your prep-work is done.
To assemble your little fig-bacon wraps, simply wrap a piece of fig and a walnut or pecan half in a half-strip of bacon, and place, seam side down, on a baking sheet. Repeat until all of your figs are wrapped. Turn the oven on to 375-400. About 15 minutes before you want to offer your guests bacon ecstasy, put the baking sheet in the oven. Cook until the bacon is crispy, take out of the oven and remove to a platter with something green on it (for the pretty). Make sure to warn your guests/loved ones that the wraps are hot, because they may pounce before the figs have had a chance to become slightly less than molten.
Fig and Goat Cheese Stuffed Pork Chops with Red Wine Sauce.
There are four main ingredients for this recipe: pork chops, dried mission figs, red wine, and goat cheese, and they are all listed in the title. Start with the red wine and figs. Very roughly chop about a cup of dried figs, leaving two or three whole ones. Put the figs in a pot with enough red wine to cover by at least an inch. Put the pot over medium high heat, and while the figs come to a simmer look around your kitchen for anything else that will make them tasty. Some chopped thyme/dried thyme. A shallot, cut in half. Perhaps a quarter of an onion or a few crushed garlic cloves. (put in either the shallot, the onion or the garlic, not all three). Maybe a bit of parsley. A cup of chicken stock. Definitely toss in a few peppercorns and a little salt.
Simmer the fig concoction until the figs are soft and tasty looking, if they look like they are running out of liquid before they are soft, add more wine or chicken stock, or even water. You want to end up with a lot of plump fig parts in a thick, syrupy liquid that almost, but doesn't cover the figs. Set them aside to cool.
Cut a pocket in four pork chops. To do this, poke a paring knife in the fat-covered side of the chop and sweep its tip through the chop, creating a big pocket with a small hole. Open your package of goat cheese, mix it with a little chopped thyme if you want, or don't.
Stuff the pocket of each chop with alternating bits of goat cheese and figs (leave the fig liquid behind). You'll use about half the figs. This will be a messy operation. Don't worry about it. Just wipe off the chops when you're done. Salt and pepper the outside of the chops and let them rest for a minute.
Meanwhile heat the oven to 375. In a large, oven-safe saute pan, heat a little oil on high. When the oil is about to smoke, put all of the chops into it. Brown the chops thoroughly (don't move them around very much) on one side, flip over and finish cooking in the oven (about 10 minutes). Remove from oven and serve, perhaps with some mashed potatoes or celery root, drizzling the remaining figs and red wine over everything.
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